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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 14:38:17 GMT
12-24-2016, 05:32 AM
it was December 23 1974..my grampa passed away..he was 90 years old and lived a good but hard life when my gramma pased a few years before..something inside him changed..he seemed to grow old over night i was still running with my demons at that time..though i always felt safe when in his presence..it was a very hard day on me.when i got the news..i knew that morning he had passed before i was ever told..cal me insane ..call me crazy..or think whatever you like..but what i am about to say is as honest as Creator's own words... my grampa woke me up from a drunken drugged sleep to say goodbye..he talked to me for what seemed like hours he told me things that l had completely forgotten about until years later when is words were all coming true..i wont go into the details..but he did say he would be looking over me and checking in on me...the first night of his Sacred Fire..i noticed a bright star in the night sky that i had not seen or noticed before...when i pointed it out to others they could not see it..it seemed only visible to me...for all the 3 nights of his fire...that star was there..plain as the morning sun...yet i was the only one again who seen it...after the 3 days passed..i didnt see it again..i forgot all about it until the following Christmas when i looked into the star filled sky and there it was..the star..i was with a friend at the time and pointed to it..again she could not see it and said there was nothing there...i know it was there because i could see it...i called it my grampas Christmas star..and every year at this time i look for it..when the night skies are clear..there it is..i see it..my grampa's Christmas star..it has been over 40 years since it first appeared and it shines as bright as it did the night i first seen it
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 14:38:30 GMT
12-28-2016, 05:29 AM
tonight as i slow my mind..i close my eyes and take a deep breath..exhaling slowly the piks in my mind slow...i see a blanket of snow covering the ground..there are no tracks in it other than the ones i made coming here..i am all alone..i dont hear anything but the wind whispering through the tall pines...as i struggle to hear what the wind is whispering..i begin to hear my name...i look up and on the highest branch is an eagle...perched looking down at me...i close my eyes and listen with my heart the message she has for me...when i open my eyes i am surrounded by my ancestors...i can see them but i must be invisible to them as they do not notice me standing among them..i earnestly watch as they carry out daily routines of gathering food and preparing furs for their winters clothing...i feel a nudge on my hand..i look down and there is a lone wolf...i reach into my pocket and pull out a small piece of dried moose meat ...i give it to the wolf and with one gulp it is gone..he begins to like the flavoring from my fingers..i pull out another small piece..and feed it to him..this time he is more gentle and seems to savor it bu chewing it more rather than gulping it down...i begin to play tag with the wolf and as i am about to reach out to touch him..he is gone..i look around and once more i am standing under the tall pine...the eagle has flown off and the snow remains without a track in it..my mind rest now..at least for the moment
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 14:38:42 GMT
01-11-2017, 07:45 AM today was a good day....learned some things i didnt know..sure was nice to learn them.. tonight as i slow my mind..i am compelled to write what my mind is seeing...there stands a figure all alone and i waalk toward the figure i see...as i get closer i see a lady in a hammock and she invites me to sit with her...i gratefully accept the invitation and as i sit we begin to talk...nothing deep just small talk..while sitting tere beside her i asked if she has ever watched the night sky..she answered it was one of her favorite things to do..i asked if she would mind if we sat an d watched them together..she said she would love that..so we did...my mind rests at least for the moment
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 14:39:01 GMT
01-17-2017, 06:24 AM
tonight as i slow my mind from a day i will call good..i close my eyes and see the picture frames zipping by..i take a deep breath and slowly exhale..focusing on the frame that keeps repeating itself..it begins to slow and take shape so that i am able to see it clearly...at first it has me questioning the location and wondering why it is there at this spot when i know it doesnt belong here..it is a log cabin placed deep in the woods..but it is all wrong..these are not the trees that should be here...even the river is flowing in the wrong direction and the air does not smell as fresh as it should..it feels as if it is placed on a whole different part of the world..in the wrong continent..i am puzzled by all this and cant for the life of me wrap my head around why it is here and not where i know it should be...has someone found it and moved it on me?..baffled by it all i will let my mind rest at least for the moment and search for answers another day
i came to the conclusion that i am not alone in this world and what i see in my mind is not always what is seen by others...i have no monopoly on anything or do i have the right to think i do..people are free to make their own choices as i am to make mine..but i am not free from the consequences of those choices i do make and neither are others free from their's either...the lesson for me to learn in all this is to mind my own business and just be responsible and accountable for my own choices..lesson learned..i hope...lol
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 14:39:19 GMT
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Post by sexylady007 on Jan 21, 2017 15:06:46 GMT
Awesome stuff Bro ....
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Post by roadkill on Jan 26, 2017 9:14:19 GMT
LMP was really sweet for transferring my colors at the roo to here..i was really worried that one day the roo will be gone and i would lose these memories for ever i may not remember writing the ones before the coma..but i know i wrote them and it give me some insight to who i was i will be forever grateful to her for her willingness to spend all that time making sure i will always have them
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Post by bamber on Jan 26, 2017 12:19:12 GMT
So glad to see you have a backup for your colors now RK.
Well done on the transfer to LMP too.
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Post by sexylady007 on Jan 26, 2017 18:24:43 GMT
Yes as Bamber said to RK & LMP .....
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Post by roadkill on Jan 29, 2017 23:27:40 GMT
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Post by roadkill on Feb 1, 2017 4:41:59 GMT
tonight as i slow my mind to get ready for a full day tomorrow..i close my eyes to see what frame slows enough to allow me focus on...they zip by like a movie played at triple speed..i take a deep breath and exhale slowly...i see a lot of chaos and mayhem going on..my daughters face appears then disappears as quickly as it came..i am still trying to wrap my head around what took place last summer..all attempts have been in vain..i am not ready to give up on that just yet...i need answers so i will keep trying..it is affecting other things and people in my life and i cant have that..i can deal with whatever happens but i cant stand that it is becoming an issue for me to properly respond to others that i care about in my life..it seems i am taking my frustrations out on others..my mind is racing and i cant even slow it down...i have a lot going on in my life at the moment and i think i am getting overwhelmed.i have an appointment tomorrow with my therapist..maybe she will have some answers for me..because i am so tired of saying things that are getting misunderstood..but when i read the response to them i see why they could be misinterpreted..i have no answers
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Post by roadkill on Apr 25, 2017 19:15:51 GMT
tonight as i slow my mind from another awesome day..i close my eyes and take a deep breath in and let it slowly..the days events flash by and the scenes are like picture frames of an old movie projector...i begin to focus my mind and the scenes slow until one stops..i see a full moon high in the black sky surrounded by billions of flickering white stars dancing in contrast to the dark background...as i stand watching the moon in all its splendor..i hear the wolf cry out some where above me on the rocky hilltop...i can see his dark silhouette in the glow of the moons beam as it hits the rocks..he looks so majestic..yet humbled by his surroundings... i feel a warm spring air rush across my chheks and the fragrance of pine and cedar tickles my nose..i breath deeply and take it deep into my lungs...i feel fresh and new..like i was just woken from a deep sleep...i look out from where i stand and i realize why the wolf is humbled..he and i are only a small speck of sand in what Creator has made from His own 2 hands..He has gifted all this to us so we may feel joy and inner peace and be caretakers of His works..feeling at peace my mind slows..at least for the moment..soon my eyes will close and i will be in that other realm know as sleep
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