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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 1:07:21 GMT
04-05-2016, 04:02 AM
tonight as i slow my mind...i close my my eyes and take a deep breath and as i slowly exhale...i see the frames begin to slow and come into focus...i feel a cold late winter wind chill me...i zip up my jacket and look onto the horizon..i see the silhouette of a mountain as the full moon highlights the peak...i see a lone wolf standing and looking into the moon's bright light..he lets out a mournful howl..feeling the loss of a great Chief and leader..of my cousins to the south..Chief Joe Medicine Crow...he was a great warrior fighting for the freedoms of those in Europe during WWII... where he was well decorated for his efforts..he wore war paint under his army uniform and a sacred eagle feather under his helmet...and where he completed all 4 tasks required to become a war chief...touching an enemy without killing him... taking an enemy's weapon... leading a successful war party and stealing an enemy's horse he was 102 years old when his journey to the Creator began
R.I.P. Chief Joe Medicine Crow October 27, 1913 – April 3, 2016
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 1:07:39 GMT
04-07-2016, 05:41 AM tonight as i close my eyes to slow my mind...i ask Creator for patience...if i ask for strength i will lose it on someone and that is not who i want to be..i struggle to damn hard everyday to deal with my own issues and i dont need some so called self proclaimed genius that doesnt know shit from shinola trying to correct me at every turn with bull shit...and furhter more and will not give my time time someone who i am just a filler for them...i am pissed off to the point where i am finding myself not trusting anyone again...i guess this is best and at leaset i cant get hurt...i am who iam and always will be...i cant ebven think right now
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 1:07:51 GMT
04-09-2016, 06:13 AM
tonight as i close my eyes to slow my mind...i see this day flash by and how time can really go by so fast i see a day where my honesty and integrity has rewarded me and my needing to be in the know has left such a warm feeling of being not only loved but wanted and needed again...i am important to others and not just someone to fill time and space with...it has been over a year since i have felt that i am more than what i was believed to be i am...Creator has blessed me with real friends...those that are willing to give their time and really listen to my words as i speak...there are tears in my eyes as i write this...but not sad tears...just tears that are washing away all the self doubt i have been carrying in my heart..unless you have ever been led to believe your are not worth a potters grave or someones stepping stone or have been deceived by someone that made you believe they were a real friend and turned out to be just someone who was out for their own gains...then you may not understand what this color is about...but i do and to me that is enough to make me want to get out the words that are in my mind to where i can see them with my eyes and feel them with my heart...most of you know my name...but not my story you see my scars but not my pain...and to me thats ok...if you dont know my story...you were not meant to...this color...only few have ever experienced in their life...i have seen this color and carried it for almost 60 years...it is a color that almost destroyed me...one that has shown itself more times in my single lifetime someone would have to live 7 lifetimes to experience what i have...this color that haunts me must be destroyed and never again allowed to rear its ugly head
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 1:08:05 GMT
04-14-2016, 06:16 AM
tonight as i close my eyes and slow my mind...i let out a huge sigh and the frames slow and the piks come into focus i feel the sun's warming rays on my cheeks and a soft warm breeze washes over me...the low hanging limbs of the willow that shades me as i lay underneath it are swaying in the quiet wind...singing a song that only i can hear looking for that special someone dance to it with me...i am resting my back against its large trunk...chewing on a piece of straw with my head resting in the palm of my hands behind my head...i hear the sweet music of the song birds as the flutter about above me...a butterfly lands on my chest slowly fanning its red black and white wings in sync with my heartbeat..as i watch the monarch... careful not to make any sudden movements..i can see it is content...i close my eyes and i begin to get drowsy...my eyes heavy and my mind at rest..i feel a strange glow of security and contentment as i soon will be in that other realm where my soul is at peace
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 1:08:18 GMT
04-15-2016, 06:57 AM
tonight as i slow my mind..i close me eyes and take a deep breath...as i exhale slowly...the frames in my mind flash by...they begin to slow and i find myself standing at a crossroad...trying to decide which path to take i sit an a large boulder...i look skyward and see a full moon shining brightly and the stars are many..i make a small fire and smudge myself...i then ask Creator for guidance in choosing the right path..i them hear a lone wolf bay at the moon from the far mountain to me left...i douse the fire and begin walking the small dirt path on my left...as i walk i can feel he soft dirt under my moccassins...i feel my eyes getting heavy and my legs needing rest...i find a small shelter under an uprooted white pine...i spread out my bed roll and make fire to stay warm through the night...soon i will be where my soul finds peace and my mind rests
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 1:08:30 GMT
04-21-2016, 07:04 AM
tonight as i slow my mind i close my eyes and take a deep breath..the frames begin to slow and come into focus i feel a warm spring rain gently touching my face...i smell the fresh damp air tickling my nose..i can smell the sage and sweet grass on the rain drops...as i look up i can see the droplets as they fall from the gray sky above me i hear the babbling brook as it flows southward over the small stones that have gathered in the creek bed..creating a peaceful sound to my ears..i feel at peace and my demons have once again be silenced by the love and beauty that is surrounding my world...i will enjoy this time of serenity for as long as it lasts...while me demons are quiet...my eyes are heavy and my mind at rest...i will soon be in that other real known as sleep..it has been a great day
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 1:08:46 GMT
05-03-2016, 01:54 AM
tonight my mind slows as i focus on the frames as they flash by...i find myself standing alone over looking a vast lake...my thoughts go to a repeat of the weekend and how quickly life can get complicated due to no fault of my own...i struggle enough on my own merits without having a family member adding to them...sometimes i feel i am only useful when i am needed...i would like to feel complete without having to be as i never will be...i do the very best i can and i know there are times when i rely heavily on others...all i ask for is a little compassion and help when i need it...i dont need any extra pressure to me...at these times...i lose my concentration and train of thoughts...making a simple conversation almost impossible...my brain gets overwhelmed and my thought process becomes to the point where i am always trying to update...i get quiet and i dont want to be around people...it all becomes just noise..so if i disappear from time to time..please dont take it personally...it is just me taking care of me...unless the internet acts up
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 1:08:57 GMT
05-06-2016, 12:31 AM
dancing under the light of billions of stars with the cabin to our backs and the lake to the front
a full moon shining on our souls the bonfire warming our chilly skin with the love we share warming our hearts
tears have dried and smiles prevail while we hold each other laughter fills the air
your eyes sparkle your hair strands glow under the heavens our love grows
rk
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 1:09:10 GMT
05-06-2016, 05:11 AM
tonight as i slow my mind...i close my eyes and take a deep breath...as the frames slow i can feel the soft breeze as it touches my skin...i smell the aroma of the new sprouts of the cattails and bulrushes...i am standing at a small lake..i can see the ripples that a beaver creates as it swims with a poplar pole to its house in the shallows..stocking up on its food supply...i can hear the frogs as they sit on the lily pads croaking their song of spring....the forest seems to have come to life after a long winter silence..i look skyward and the sky is full of stars and the moon is starting to find its place in the night sky as it appears just above the mountain peaks...i start a small fire for warmth.. the small orange sparks float upwards on the smoke...carrying my prayers to Creator...i feel at peace and my eyes get heavy..soon i will be in that realm known as sleep where my mind finds calm and my soul feels serenity
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 1:09:23 GMT
05-07-2016, 06:40 AM
tonight as slow my mind and i close my eyes the frames begin to slow i see there will be no rest for my mind or peace for soul
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 14:32:59 GMT
05-11-2016, 02:52 AM
tonight as i try to slow my mind...i close my eyes and take a deep breath..as the piks slow..i begin to focus on a night sky full of stars shining like diamonds against a deep black background...the only light is from the full moon that is partially covered by thin clouds...as the clouds slowly float on the soft breeze across the moons face...they cast a shadow over the land...creating a fog-like mist on the open field i find myself standing in...across the vast spanse... i see the smoke from a distant chimney coming from a small cabin stretching skyward..i begin to walk towards the cabin and i am greeted by a lone wolf half way across the field...we continue on towards the small log cabin standing in the midst of tall pines and birch trees...my legs tire and i need to rest so i sit and and the wolf lays down by my feet...my eyes are heavy so i lay down beside this majestic animal feeling protected...my eyes close and i know soon i will find the peace my mind has so desperately searched for
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 14:33:13 GMT
05-13-2016, 04:59 AM
my eyes start to open as i hear the soft sigh of the wolf looking over me...i feel the sun's warming rays as the touch my face...i stand and stretch...welcoming a new dawn..i continue my walk towards the small cabin i seen last night with the wolf by my side...walking for what seemed like hours we reached the cabin...the door was wide open and looked like it been vacant for years...cob webs were stretched across the doorway so no one has entered or exited through this passage...brushing away the silky webs...i walk in and look around...the wolf stands guard at the door opening..there is an old rusty wash basin at the sink and the cast iron wood stove looks like it has not given heat in many nights...then it dawns on me that i am sure i seen smoke coming from the old chimney last night..how could this be possible?..my eyes are heavy and i feel tired..my mind slows..at least for the moment
i glance around and things begin to look familiar to me...the artifacts left behind and the layout of the cabin have me feeling i have been here before...the wolf glances my way from the open doorway...i walk over to where he stands guard...looking outside i see the silhouette of a female figure in the distance..as i holler out to her she vanishes leaving me with more questions than answers..perhaps all this is just a result of all my bad choices i have made...maybe this cabin is a place i once thought was a safe haven full of love and beauty..now all it holds are pain and some old memories never to be found again...i cant shake the feeling that there is some outside force invading my world that does not belong in it...and is trying to take what i have fought so hard to keep...if this outsider does succeed ...then what it will take was never mine to begin with
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 14:33:34 GMT
05-14-2016, 03:26 AM
once my mind comes back to the cabin and the wolf sitting beside me..i again focus on the layout of the cabin...on the wall farthest from the small wooden table i see a bed made of pine.... covered by a rolled up hudson bay blanket and a feather pillow covered in a thick layer of dust...on the table is an old coal oil lantern and a porcelain mug and plate...in the corner beside the wood stove is a corn broom...i decide to clean up the cabin to make it usable for a nights lodging...i walk down the the river with a pail and gather some cold clean water...while there i hear the call of an eagle...i look up and see her soaring high in the sky circling on the air currents...the wolf and i head back to the chore of the job at hand..once the cabin is clean and wood gathered..i light the stove and the lantern...i feel my eyes heavy and my mind has slowed...i unroll the blanket and crawl under it...the glow of the wood stove fills the room and i turn out the lantern
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 14:33:47 GMT
06-07-2016, 02:20 AM
tonight as i try to slow my mind down...i am once again reminded how quickly life can change...as some of you know i was MIA for reasons beyond my control...for those that do not know and are interested you may pm me for the answer i take a deep breath and exhale slowly...the pictures slow and the frame stops...i find myself looking up into a deep dark blue black sky filled with stars..as my eyes start to explore them i find myself trying to connect the dots with them...before long i see the outline of an angel..it appears once more she has been watching me and sent to protect me from my latest walk through a valley..i have reached the peak with the hand of the Creator pulling me up from the muddy mire...i have been given another day to wake and give Him glory...His love for me always has me asking what i ever did to deserve such love then it dawns on me...it was Him that gave me life and knew me before i even took my first breath on earth..He knew the struggles i would face growing up and the ones i would continue to face as an adult by the choices i made when i was young...He never promised me that it would be easy...but He would make sure it was possible and worth the journey...i have to say it has been quite the adventure so far...lol...never a dull moment..i do regret that my journey along the way has made those closest to me feel anxiety and worry..stressed may be a better word to use...but you who i am referring to can fill in your own words here..you know more what you have felt knowing me than i do...lol...i am sure ya'll that have walked with me along this path i call my life will agree it has kept you on your toes...lol...as my eyes get heavy and the outline of the angel gets faint..i know i soon will be asleep in her arms and my mind will rest..at least for the moment
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Post by roadkill on Jan 21, 2017 14:34:00 GMT
06-09-2016, 02:50 AM
tonight as i slow my mind i take a deep breath and slowly exhale...i see the frames slowing until i can focus on one pik i see myself standing by a lake...i feel the cool wind gently flow over my face...i smell the sweet smell of a fresh rain and see the sun peeking from behind the clouds as they slowly dissipate in the sky and the sun starts to set...causing a bountiful of colors to reach out across the Creators canvas...the deep reds oranges yellows and purples blend into each other like a lake of melted crayons...i feel a hand slip into mine and i turn to see a woman standing beside me watching the glorious painting unfold before our eyes...i put my arm around her and she rests her head into my shoulder...we stand in awe of the Creator's handiwork...a gift to us to enjoy where the eagles soar and the all the animals and birds take refuge from the busy concrete world...as the sun goes to its place of sleep...the colors darken until they all turn to deep dark blue and black...we decide to build a small fire for warmth and lie on the bed rolls i have with me...laying on our backs looking skyward the dark soon begins to fill with bright stars...we just lay there watching..suddenly a shooting star streaks across the sky and we both make a wish...my eyes heavy and my body relaxed...i will soon be in that realm no as sleep...my mind rests..at least for the moment
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