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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 10:33:28 GMT
this is where i will write what my mind sees and also a place to back up what i have over at the ROO
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:36:06 GMT
09-14-2006, 04:42 there is a full moon high in the star filled sky...the thin clouds drift slowly across the moons face...the moon's glow penetrates the soft thin clouds...highlighting the edges as if a flashlight behind lace...laying on my bed roll i look high into the night sky and see a shooting star zip across the darkness in an arc as if it is following the most outer layer of the earths's surface...i close my eyes and feel the feathery touch of an angel's wing wraping around me..enclosing me in it's warmth.. as protection from the evil that is in this world...i feel the cooling effect as a butterfly hovers just above my face...the wind through the pines brings a familiar scent gently to my nose...i hear the whipperwill coo for his mate off in the distance...i begin to feel safe...protected by all that is not good and right..the sound of the rustling leaves from a nearby dogwood as the soft wind glides past... it seems to be calling me to rest...i drift into the other realm where my mind will rest at least for the moment.
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:36:59 GMT
09-15-2006, 03:35 AM
as i feel the end of another day coming to a close .i shut my eyes just for a brief moment..the pictures begin to race through my mind as if in fast forward...i try to slow it down..taking some deep breaths and exhaling slowly i begin to see the scene appear..with my eyes still closed i see myself sitting on the shoreline of a wide and long lake...the sun is slowly sinking into the water's far edge...the sky explodes in spectacular colors...of oranges and pinks and red and violet...the sky mirrors itself in the calm glass-like lake...an eagle soars high in the sky off in the distance...the swallows glide just above the lake's surface...they move in unison to one another...darting and turning as one huge bird..to my left i hear the call of the bullfrogs in the lillypad filled bay...the crickets begin their song as the sun sinks deeper into the horizon..listening ever so closely to god's orchestra i begin to relax and slow my mind down from the 90mph it has been travelling all day to the now walking pace of 2mph..my eyes wishing to remain shut i drift off to where the angels watch over me and prepare my dreams for the lessons that have to be taught..the sun sinks totally out of view and i escape to where my mind slows and rests ...at least for the moment
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:37:22 GMT
09-17-2006, 07:10 AM
as i try to slow my mind down...the only pictures that are playing are dark and gloomy...there is enough darkness in this world...so tonight there will be no picture to paint...the only thing that is light is a poem i wrote for my daughter as i was battling the cancer a few years ago...we were having some disagreements as she was going through her teen years...we had a hard time seeing eye to eye on some topics and choices...years later when i was diagnosed i wrote her this poem..i hope you enjoy it
BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER writtenby Ken J. C. SOMETIMES AS A DAD THINGS CAN BE A MESS I DON'T ALWAYS GET IT RIGHT AND THAT’S MY FAULT I GUESS SOMETIMES MY EDGES ARE ROUGH MY WORDS NOT SO SMART BUT IF YOU LOOK DEEP INSIDE YOU'LL FIND A SENSITIVE HEART YES DEEP WITHIN THAT HEART THIS I KNOW TO BE TRUE YOU'RE MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER AND I LOVE YOU.
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:37:52 GMT
09-18-2006, 05:33 AM
as my mind begins to slow there is a picture coming into focus...i see a field of corn rows...an old rustic barn that the wind rushes through...the weather beaten sides are a bluish gray from the rains that have been absorbed into the grain over the years...i see a small two story wooden farm house...with smoke emitting from the chimney...the smell of homemade bread baking in an old wood cook stove fills the air...my mind goes back in time to when i was no bigger than toddler...in my blue denim overalls i sit at a table that i can barely see over...there are fresh apples being peeled by my mother...as she prepares a fresh apple pie for baking...she hands me a slice and smiles at me...i take the sliced apple and look up into her brown eyes that sparkle like two gems from a pirates treasure...she begins to roll out the pastry dough...sprinkling flour on to the large wooden table...i see through the window my grandfather picking the ears of ripe corn by hand...his dog tedy following by his side...the sun is begining to lower and the smell of baking bread and wood smoke over take my thoughts...i turn to my mother and she lifts me back up into my chair at the table and kisses my cheek...i watch intensely as she goes about preparing the evening meal of beef stew, fresh bread and a deep dish apple pie for dessert. my eyes close and my mind slows to a crawl where it comes to rest...at least for the moment
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:38:23 GMT
09-22-2006, 04:06 AM
as another day in my simple but complicated life comes to a close...i shut my eyes and look inside my head to slow my mind and thoughts...i begin to see a world that few will ever understand...as i try to slow the movie down it can sometimes start out blurred and jumbled..but some how i am allowed to glanceit this world i see and get a real feel for it..after all i have lived it at one time or another...i see myself walking along an empty beach....the waves hiting the shore rolling over onto themselves..as one leaves to return to the wateranother comesin and rollsover the one leaving....i look skyward and i see a remarkable sunset..the soft pinks...the bold reds...the deep voilets..all reflecting onto th rolling water...i see a lone gull riding the air current....he appears motionless the sky continues to darken...as the sun sinks into its home for the night...i see a woman holding a small child in her arms high above the one cloud...she seems to be trying to speak to me but i do not hear her words...she jesters to me to close my eyes and rest...i have seen this woman before...i can not place where...why is she above the cloud...questions that may never get answered...i see a strange glow emitting all around her...a deep calm comes over me..my mind slows...she takes me to that other world where my mind rests...if only for a moment
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:38:59 GMT
09-25-2006, 05:22 AM
today draws to a close in the most stressful of times...my words have not be smart all day...plans made in my head have not been fulfilled...when will i realize that i am not in control of this outside world...when will i open my mouth more than to just insert a foot...i have made many mistakes today...but i know that there was some time spent that i will always be grateful for....when i was allowed to just be me...laugh at just being silly...like a child once more...then reality sets in and i realize that my words could hurt and not mean to...i am so beside myself that i may have hurt those closest to me...i can only pray to my God that the hearts i have hurt can forgive me...i try to understand a world that i feel i do not belong...the tears that i may have caused sink deep into my soul as i try to apologize...will i be given that second chance to make things right or have i hurt their heart so bad that they can not give me that chance...my tears flow freely as i try to find my words all jumbled inside of my head like like lottery numbers in the machine...twirling and spinning out of control...will the angel appear tonight to allow my mind to rest or is this her way of saying tonight you will ponder your mistakes and think hard what i have done to another human soul...i guess time will tell...tonight i ponder on a day that does not truly close
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:39:24 GMT
09-25-2006, 08:49 AM
well it appears my mind will not slow enough to give me rest..so here i am once more...trying to find comfort in a mind that is racing out of control...i see the events of the day repeating themselves like a bad commercial on the television...is what i am seeing the truth or some force that is trying to invade my serenity...sometimes things are not as they first appear but then what appears to be seen as an invading force is shown to be truths...is what i see the reality of such a world that would decieve even the keenest of minds or is it that my mind has been so programmed to want to not see the obvious...when the mind and heart are on a different page...this is when i become the most confused...i reckon that one day i will find that perfect place where the heart and mind will meet on the same page... i see the artists brush stroking the canvas but no picture appears...there are no brilliant colors left behind after the brush leaves the canvas...only the dull gray color of the canvas itself...a figure appears in front of me ...no face does it have ...i ask where are all those colors that i once seen?...who has stolen them from my mind?...there is no voice...no jesture...just a blank faceless figure appearing before me...as if some force has wiped the canvas clean...like chalk on a blackboard...it only remains as long as it is allowed to stay...i guess my time here has reached its final stages and the colors no longer vibrant ...have now become shades of gray... will the artist who put these colors to the canvas be able to revitalize them or are they gone forever...perhaps the artist has wished for them to be erased from a memory that was once so full of thought and recollection of what was once young and free....has now become captive to its own demise of a time spent in the dark...they say time heals all wounds but what heals the scars...they are a constant reminder of what once was...why wont my mind slow to give me rest...what is the lesson that i am being taught... i ask the faceless figure to give me answers...it just remains steadfast in its place... i look skyward for a single star...any sign of light...my eyes strain against the darkness and away off in the far distance i see a tiny speck slowly twinkling... i smile and the faceless figure slowly fades into the darkness...
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:39:50 GMT
09-27-2006, 09:08 PM
I have seen the morning burnin' golden on the mountain in the sky Achin'with the feeling of the freedom of an eagle when she flies Turnin' on the world the way she smiled upon my soul as I lay dying Healing as the colors in the sunhine was the shadows in her eyes Wakin' in the morning to the feeling of her feathers on my skin Wipin' out the traces of the people and the places that I've been Teaching me that yesterday was something that I never thought of trying Talkin of tomorrow and the money, love and time we had to spend Lovin her was easier than anything I'll ever do again
Coming close together with a feeling that I've never known before in my time She ain't ashamed to be a woman or afraid to be a friend I don't know the answer to the easy way she opened every door in my mind But dreamin' was as easy as believing it was never gonna end And lovin' her was easier than anything I'll ever do again
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:40:20 GMT
09-29-2006, 08:05 AM
the day comes to a close once more..tonight a picture of a family member takes the opening scene...i see you laying in your room crying...i feel the pain in my own heart...your eyes swollen from the tears that you have shed...the scars on your heart i share in my own...as i try to understand the reasons why you have been so hurt...i ask God to send you an angel to watch over you...and to protect you from the beast...i asked Him to dry your eyes and allow you to rest...if need be to put your pain onto myself..you are to young to have to deal with that beast...i have dealt with him all my life...i know how he thinks...i know the lies he tells...i know all his tricks...somehow i feel the fault is my own and i cry out to you...take my hand little one...feel my touch as i palm the hair from your brow...i am wiping the tears away with my thumbs...your pain fuels my anger...i know that anger is not the solution and i will allow you deal in your own way...just know i am as close as your mind allows...know i am always there for you...close your eyes little one...see what i see...feel what i feel...smell what i smell...as you close your eyes see the dark sky...look towards the heavens...see all those stars...pick one and concentrate on it...make your wish little one...that is your star...see the moon begin to appear...look for its smile as the man in the moon looks at you...see the fireflies flickering their tails...like a lighthouse on the shore...see the storm clouds begin to disappear....the seas begining to calm...see your angel coming down from the heavens to wrap you in her feathery wings of love and comfort....feel how soft and warm she feels...see your eyes begin to dry...your sobs turning to sighs...listen as she tells you that your tears have cleansed you soul...hear her voice little one...hear the sweet music she sings...let it touch your heart and soul...feel the warm glow of her touch as your mind begins to rest...your pain subsides...allowing you to travel to that realm known as the land of sweet dreams...shhhh rest now and know that tomorrow is a new day little one....shhhhh be still in your mind...sweet dreams little one....shhhhhh
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:40:47 GMT
09-30-2006, 05:30 AM
another day draws to a close on a cool fall night...i hear the frost forming in the fields of muskeg...the call of a male moose can be heard across the large marsh...hoping for his female's reply...i hear the leaves on the hardwoods changing into their bright coats of fire reds ..golden yellows..rustic browns...and flaming oranges...i hear the trees sap draining from the limbs to the base of the trunks..i hear the lonely bay of the alpha male wolf off in the distance...the smell of smoke as the logs burn to warm the cabin...dear mice are out scavaging what they may...to me this is God's orchestra playing an ancient song of old...if i listen carefully i can hear the chants of the Grandfathers...my eyes stay open no longer and i drift off to a time before the factories and pavement...my mind rests at least for the moment
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:41:17 GMT
10-01-2006, 06:26 AM
as the day comes to a close ..i search my mind for a color that will allow me to rest...my thoughts racing and my minds eye looks inward...the scene opens with my sitting in a train station...i hear the rain bouncing off the pavement...i seem to be alone except for the ticket seller...who sits behind his cage reading his newspaper...the train pulls in and i board it....all the seats are vacant...i am the only one on this train..where i am headed...i have no clue....i look at my ticket and all it reads is paid in full...no destination or even the train number...there is an unusual calm about me as i look out the window to see if i see anything familiar...all i see is wilderness...how did i get from pavement to wilderness i have no idea...things seem to be happening in a hurry...will i be able to slow this train down..will i reach a destination familiar to me or will i be lead to a place i have never been...the train slows and i see a station coming up...when the train stops an elderly man gets on...he sits beside me...with all the vacant seats why does he choose to sit beside me i question myself...he looks into my eyes as if reading my soul without saying a word...what does this mean...who is this elderly gentle man...too many questions without answers...the sound of the trians wheels rumbling along on the tracks is all i hear...another station appears and the train slowly comes to a stop...another elderly gentleman boards and he sits across from me...now there are all these empty seats...why are they sitting with me...what do the y want with me...the strange thing is i have only a feeling of calm and a sense of security around me...it is so strange...then the two men each put a briefcase in their laps and open them simutaniously...the gentleman beside me...his briefcase is empty...the man across from me...he has many papers...he hands me the papers and i begin to read...the words on these papers are of a life i have tried to leave behind...i then realize that no matter how hard i try...these words will follow me no matter how hard i try to forget them...the man sitting beside me smiles as i have now become quite concerned of where this train will lead me...what kind of a train is this...is this the long black train that i have heard of in a song...or is this the feight train that will carry my body home to my family so they can lay me to rest...only time will tell...
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:41:43 GMT
10-03-2006, 09:38 AM
again as i try to slow my mind the picture of this train ride once more appears..i have those papers in my hands and a single tear rolls down my cheek as i finnish reading what i already know...i look into the eyes of the man sitting across from me...they are black and cold...like those of a great white shark...lifeless...as i go to hand him back the book of my life...the gentleman sitting beside me takes them from me...i look into his eyes and i see such a light in them...like that of the brightest star...so full of life and warmth...he takes the papers ...looks at me and says..paid in full...and the papers vanish...i am amazed at what just happened and i ask him...where did they go?...there is no reply other than holding out his hands to me...palms up...where there are two puncture wounds...and my name carved in them...the train comes to a stop...it's here that i notice that we are the ony two on this train...where did the other man go?..he seems to have vanished with the papers...i turn and now i am alone on this train and the conductor says this is where i get off...totally confused i look out the window and i see my home...i leave the train and wake up in my own bed...well rested from a nights sleep
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:42:21 GMT
10-07-2006, 05:39 AM
tonight as i try to slow my mind down to get the rest it needs...i close my eyes and look inside myself....i see i a lake...i am stading at the waters edge looking out toward the far shore...i inhale deeply...the smell of cedars and pines and the hardwoods reach deep into my lungs...the smell of the forest is strong tonight...i see the moon's reflection on the mirror surface of the water...as i gaze at this reflection...i can almost see it smile at me...i hear the whipoorwill cooing in the still cool night air...i have a small camp fire burning to keep myself warm...the wood smoke travels straight up towards the heavens...the sky is crystal clear and the stars are many and they are shining brightly....i can almost hear God speaking to my soul...what a gift He has given me...He has restored my life....i see a small bat feeding on the insects that fly at night...i feel my mind slowing and a peace coming over me...i put more wood on the fire and lay down beside it...my eyes closing...i feel a warm presense beside me...i look and see you there with me under the stars...looking skyward the stars reflect in your eyes....i give you a bed roll and help you into it...i can smell the strawberry fragrance in your hair as you lay your head on my chest...i put an arm around you and we wish on the brightest star...you say look at the smog away up there...i tell you that is not smog...it is the milky way....it looks so soft and milky...like a thin roll of cotton stretching across the night sky...laying there with my eyes wide open..not wanting to shut them for fear you may disappear...i see the angel in your soul...what a beautiful soul you are...i feel the angel's wings cover us and i feel so safe and content when i am with you...you hear my heart beating and you close your eyes and fall asleep in my arms...i lean and kiss your forehead...i take in a deep breath of the cool mountain air and knowing that you have settled in for the duration of the night ....my eyes close and i drift off into that other realm where my mind will be at peace...if only for a moment
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Post by roadkill on Jan 18, 2017 20:42:53 GMT
10-08-2006, 07:28 AM
another day comes to a close...as my mind slows...i am reminded that i am not alone in this world and the love i have shown is returned to me 10 times more...laying under the stars i feel a warmth that has never been felt...i gaze into the heavens and give thanks to my Creator for all He has blessed me with...i am not speaking of material possessions...i speak of things of the heart...i have been so blessed in this life i live...i am the richest man in the world when it comes to friends. the picture in my mind begins to reveal a small cabinwith smoke coming from the old stove pipe...i am sitting in a rocking chair made from small saplings...i am in front of a pot belly wood stove reading a book...there is a knock at the door..there stands an old man maybe 70 years old...shaking from the cool air and looking very hungry...i invite him him to sit in the rocker and warm himself by the sove while i fix him a warm meal..of stew and banock...i give him his meal and tell him just eat buy the fire my friend...i will prepare a soft bed for you to rest in tonight...he smiles and thanks me for my hospitality...i say to him not to mention it i am doing only what i would have others do for me...after his meaal and his belly is full to where there is no more room for another bite i give him some clean clothes and show him where the shower is...i showhim his room and tell him i must crawl into my bed...i have many things to do tomorrow to get ready for the onset of winter...if you need anything help yourself or just ask if you cant find something...make yourself at home i tell him...my eyes are becoming so heavy i am drifting into that place where my mind rests at least for the moment
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