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Post by kryten on Oct 15, 2016 14:05:08 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Troy House for sending in today’s report from Des Moines, Iowa. Bozo Ryan Davis was in need of a job, and he saw where the local taxi company was hiring. Obviously, applying for a job can be stressful and our bozo drank a few cups of courage the night before. Quite a few, apparently, as he was still intoxicated when the showed up for the interview at 9:25 am. He was observed trying to maneuver into a parking space and hitting an adjacent car. He then backed up and tried again, only to crash into the car in front of him. Someone decided to stop the madness and call the cops. Our bozo then blew a whopping .273 on the breath test, three times over the legal limit. Needless to say he was arrested. And he didn’t get the job.
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Post by kryten on Oct 17, 2016 14:48:02 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Longview, Texas, where bozo Joe Kirk visited the local Wal-Mart and shoplifted a few choice steaks. The cops were called and they were soon involved in a high speed chase with our steak wielding bozo. The chase continued across two counties, at times topping speeds of 100 MPH. Somewhere along the way, he decided to jettison any extra weight, including the steaks, which he began tossing out the window of the speeding vehicle. The officer reports one of the steaks bounced off the roof of the patrol car. He was eventually caught, steak-free, and charged with theft and evading officers.
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Post by kryten on Oct 18, 2016 15:43:57 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... No real criminal for today in our report from Newburgh, New York, but it is a humorous situation that deserves mention. Office workers in Newburgh called the cops after hearing a loud voice in their building threatening people with a gun. The workers looked for shelter while SWAT teams converged, traffic was blocked and surrounding buildings evacuated. Finally the source of all the commotion was found. The building houses an audio production company that was recording voiceovers of a man threatening people with a gun. Oops. After advising audio engineers to turn it down a bit, everyone returned to work.
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Post by muchtrouble on Oct 21, 2016 11:19:33 GMT
Great stories!
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Post by kryten on Oct 22, 2016 14:31:20 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... The Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Wayne Cox who sent us this Bozo Report via the internet. From Phoenix, Arizona comes the story of Bozo Shirley Crabtree who found a listing in the phone book for a company called "Guns For Hire." This company stages gunfights for western movies. Our bozo had quite another idea for their services. She called them and tried to hire them to have her husband shot. The Guns For Hire folks called the cops and she got 4 1/2 years in jail.
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Post by kryten on Oct 24, 2016 17:19:16 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Troy House for sending in today’s report from Wilmington, Delaware. Our bozo seemed to have the perfect plan. He drove to the bank he had targeted, parked his getaway car nearby, grabbed his gun, and entered the building. Pointing the gun at a teller, he demanded cash, which she gave to him. He then turned and walked out of the bank. So far so good. He sprinted to his getaway car, no doubt already planning what he was going to do with all that cash. He then pulled the handle on the car door. Wouldn’t open. Locked. Quick, try the passenger door. Locked. Check pocket of jeans. No keys anywhere. Panic. Run. He didn’t get very far before being corralled by a New Castle County police officer. He’s busted!
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Post by kryten on Oct 28, 2016 18:42:13 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Eagle Point, Oregon, where bozo Victorino Gomez grabbed a bicycle parked in front of the local Wal-Mart and attempted to pedal away. He was struggling with the bike gears when a rancher who was loading dog food and a camping tent into his truck spotted him. The rancher simply did what comes natural. He got his horse, Long John, out of the trailer, saddled up, and rode over to the man who was still trying to work the bike’s gears. Our hero took out his rope and lassoed our bozo. He tightened the rope and dragged our bozo to a safe place where he remained tightly bound until the cops arrived.
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Post by kryten on Oct 29, 2016 14:53:42 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Frankfurt, Germany. Our unidentified bozo and three accomplices attempted a late night break-in at a large grocery store. The security guard nabbed our bozo and handcuffed him to a railing while he went after the other crooks. He got them rounded up with some help from the cops, who discovered that our handcuffed bozo had broken the railing and escaped. Faced with the quandary of how to get the handcuffs off, he did what any bozo would do. He went down to the police station and asked the officer on duty to help remove them. Bad idea. He’s under arrest.
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Post by kryten on Oct 31, 2016 16:22:50 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Texas City, Texas where bozo Grady Donohue broke into a residence and began looking for valuables. He found quite a bit of good stuff and while loading it he worked up a powerful thirst. And that’s when he spotted the bottle of Crown Royal Canadian Whiskey sitting on the counter. Thinking he had earned a little break, he poured himself a drink and sat down. One thing led to another and to another and to another. He was still happily sitting in the chair when officers answering a disturbance call arrived.
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Post by kryten on Nov 1, 2016 16:24:09 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... It’s been a fightin’ kind of week at the Bozo Criminal Report. After yesterday’s gas attack, today we have this. Police and firefighters were called to a report of a fight at a residence in Brockton, Ontario, Canada. Upon arrival, they found a woman involved in a very heated argument with her boyfriend’s father and it appeared that the dispute could turn physical at any moment. The man was so enraged that he started throwing things into the campfire, including a cylinder filled with propane. Cooler heads prevailed and after a time the cops were able to determine the source of the argument, which is what landed them in the Bozo Hall of Fame. The woman took the position that the world was flat while the man argued that it was round. Neither would accept the other’s point of view, and the man simply ended up walking away. He faces a criminal mischief charge for tossing the propane cylinder into the fire. She’s been sentenced to spend some time in geography class.
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Post by kryten on Nov 4, 2016 18:23:18 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Our bozo for today comes from Boulder, Colorado, where the security staff at the County Justice Center thought they had seen everything. Until our bozo showed up with his backpack. The X-ray machine operator took a good look at his belongings. Cell phone. Ok. Earbuds. Ok. Some change. Ok. Iguana. Huh? Yep, our bozo just couldn’t bear to be separated from his pet iguana for even a few minutes, so he stuffed him in his backpack and tried to bring him into the center. Security guards pointed out the “Only service animals allowed” sign does not apply to iguanas. Neither our bozo nor his lizard were allowed inside.
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Post by kryten on Nov 5, 2016 14:14:06 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Humpty Doo, Australia, where the cops received a rather unusual phone call. On the other end of the line was our bozo, and he was very upset. He explained to the cops that he and his father had an argument and his father had set fire to his marijuana stash. Obviously, the police had to go check this one out. When they arrived, all that was left was the smoldering remains of a bonfire, and one very distraught bozo. The cops could only shake their heads as there was no unburned pot left behind. When last seen, our bozo was packing up his stuff and leaving to stay with relatives, who hopefully will be more tolerant of his smoking habits.
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Post by kryten on Nov 6, 2016 19:03:07 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mickey Bunn for sending in today’s report from Nashville, Tennessee. Employees at the local Hustler Hollywood store reported that a man walked into the store, grabbed a mannequin by the front door, threw it in his truck and drove away. Unfortunately for our bozo, the employees got the license plate of the truck. The cops ran it and tracked the vehicle to a local retirement community. Upon questioning, our bozo revealed that he had indeed stolen the dummy and took the cops to his bedroom where they found it in his bed. He’s been charged with theft and was also arrested on an outstanding warrant.
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Post by kryten on Nov 7, 2016 19:45:28 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Duluth, Minnesota, where bozo Chad Tarver approached a woman at a pool hall and asked for a cigarette. He then snatched her purse as she opened it and ran off. A little over an hour later, the police received a call from our bozo, using the cell phone he found in the stolen purse. No, he didn’t want to confess to the crime. He was calling to complain to the cops that someone had assaulted him. Investigating officers could find no evidence of the assault, but they found enough evidence of his crime to arrest him for theft. __._,_.___
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Post by kryten on Nov 8, 2016 17:58:02 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminals for today come from Loganville, Pennsylvania. Bozos Rick Martin and Naomi West were traveling from Virginia to Connecticut down Interstate 83. It was a long trip and along the way they had decided to enjoy a few cold beers. Not surprisingly, nature called and our bozos stopped to relieve themselves. While they were outside the car, a great song came on the radio and they decided to turn it up and dance around. Which might have all been well and good, except for the place they decided to pull over for their pit stop. The parking lot of police headquarters. An officer stepping out of the front door of the barracks saw what was going on and they were placed under arrest, charged with public drunkenness, disorderly conduct and open container violations.
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