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Post by kryten on Dec 11, 2016 16:23:52 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Our bozo for today comes from Orlando, Florida, where the cops staked out a local 7-Eleven for suspected drug activity. They pulled over a suspect after he left the store and failed to make a complete stop coming out of the parking lot. The cops noticed something suspicious on the floor of the car…a “rock like substance.” Further investigation revealed three more pieces of the suspicious stuff. The driver protested that he was innocent, but he was taken in on suspicion of possession of crystal meth. At the jail, he was searched, but no evidence of drugs was found, so he was released on $2500 bail. And then the results of the “rock like” substance came back from the lab. Meth? Nope. Glaze from a Krispy Kreme donut, as the suspect had claimed? Yep. He’s considering a lawsuit.
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Post by kryten on Dec 12, 2016 19:16:12 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Albany, New York, where the cops were puzzled by why someone left containers of excrement and urine on one floor of the Department of Environmental Conservation’s downtown offices. The building had to be shut down as more than 40 buckets of the stinky stuff were removed. It was while the cops were hauling the poop out that one of them noticed something. Among all the waste was a piece of paper. Nope, not toilet paper. Instead, it was a utility bill. Yep, our phantom pooper had left his electric bill among all his little surprises. DNA sampling linked him to the dirty deed. He’s under arrest.
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Post by kryten on Jan 2, 2017 19:10:34 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Naples, Italy, where our bozos had quite an elaborate plan. They planned to use the city’s sewer system to break through the floor of the expensive Bulgari jewelry store. And of course, any robbery must also include an exit plan. And that’s where they got into trouble. Before actually breaking into the store, our bozos dug getaway holes for themselves just outside the shop. And that’s what attracted the attention of the cops. They’re busted! The cops say they “have a deep-rooted problem.”
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Post by kryten on Jan 4, 2017 18:16:07 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Our bozo for today comes from Rogue River, Oregon, where a man was walking his dog when he decided to take a break and visit a port-a-potty. When he opened the door, he found the facility occupied, but not in the manner in which you might expect. Inside were several very large marijuana plants. The cops suspect the plants were placed there as a “drop” to be picked up and are presently looking for the pot supplier.
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Post by kryten on Jan 6, 2017 15:30:01 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International file in Wellington, New Zealand. Our bozos were looking for something to steal and they thought they had hit the mother lode when they spotted a box full of chemicals inside a truck. Thinking it was the ingredients for manufacturing methamphetamine, they broke in and fled with the box of stuff. Unfortunately, the stuff was not what they expected. The truck they broke into belonged to a company that is involved in protecting New Zealand’s native species. And one of the species they are researching is the New Zealand stoat, or short tailed weasel. The chemicals in the containers was anal-gland oil from the stoat, one of the foulest smelling chemicals on earth. Not sure what our bozos did with the stuff but if the cops want to find them, they should just follow their nose. __._,_.___
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Post by kryten on Jan 9, 2017 19:19:18 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Dayton, Ohio, where the cops were called to a report of a disturbance on a neighborhood street. Even they were surprised by what they found. A very drunk bozo, pants down around his ankles, attempting to have sex with the grill of a parked van. Yikes. He’s been charged with two counts of public indecency and is under arrest.
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Post by kryten on Jan 13, 2017 20:26:06 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo Criminal for today comes from Burlington, Washington, where our unidentified 49-year-old bozo drove to the State Patrol Office, walked up to the desk sergeant on duty and told him he’d like to pay his utilities bill. The officer politely told the man he had the wrong office, that this was the police department. Our bozo wouldn’t take no for an answer and insisted that he had paid his utilities bill at the office before. Bad idea. As he continued to talk, the officers noticed the strong aroma of marijuana wafting from him. He’s busted. Charged with DUI.
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Post by kryten on Jan 14, 2017 15:36:04 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Chumphon, Thailand comes the story of a bozo extortionist who was demanding money from a local shop owner. When the owner told our bozo he didn’t have enough money to pay him right now, our bozo looked around and spotted a hammock out back. He told the owner he would go and relax in the hammock until the man took in enough cash to pay him. It must have been a very comfortable hammock because he was soon sound asleep. The shop owner called the cops who came by and woke our bozo up and took him to jail.
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Post by kryten on Jan 20, 2017 12:05:41 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Troy House for sending in today’s report from Westerly, Rhode Island, where the cops were called to a report of a disturbance at a residence. Even cops who thought they had seen everything were surprised at what they found upon arrival at the scene. They knocked upon the door of bozo Jeffrey Martin, who reportedly had been having an argument with his neighbor. Our bozo answered the door shirtless with corn kernels stuck to his chest. Further investigation found that the neighbors had been feuding for a while before our bozo took it to the next level. He was using a gun fabricated out of PVC pipe that uses a light accelerant such as hair spray that can be ignited. Such guns called “potato guns” because that is what is usually fired out of them. Guess he didn’t have any spuds around, as our bozo was firing round after round of corn cobs at his neighbor’s house. He’s been charged with disorderly conduct and firing in a compact area.
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Post by kryten on Jan 21, 2017 15:09:05 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Kansas City, Kansas, where 70-year-old John Shafer had a big fight with his wife. During the course of the argument he told her he’d rather be in jail than at home with her. And he wasn’t kidding. He headed down to the local bank, handed the teller a note saying he had a gun and wanted money. The teller gave him $3000 and instead of heading to the exit our bozo calmly sat down in the lobby. He told his story to the security guard who called the cops. The cash was returned to the bank and our bozo was incarcerated. No comment at this point from his wife.
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Post by kryten on Jan 22, 2017 18:30:00 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Stuart, Florida, where local cops tweeted a photo of Bozo Michael Yates as their “Wanted of the Week”. Must have been a really good picture, too, as our bozo adopted the shot as his Facebook profile picture. Not the best idea. The cops used the photo to ID our bozo as a suspect in a disturbance on Monday and he was arrested on outstanding warrants. And to add insult to injury, a bag of marijuana fell from his pants as he was being taken into custody.
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Post by kryten on Jan 29, 2017 18:13:12 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid...
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Daniel Kuras for sending in today’s report from Jackson, Michigan, which shows a clear violation of Bozo Rule Number 334338: Don’t return a stolen item to a shop where the victim works. It seems bozo Eric Harvey stole a compound bow from a parked car. Once he got it, he really didn’t know what to do with it, so he headed down to the local sporting goods store to try to sell it. Which might have been a good idea except for the fact that the guy he stole it from worked at the store. Oops. A co-worker immediately recognized it and called the cops. Our bozo, who was out on bond at the time has been charged with possession of stolen property.
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Post by kryten on Jan 30, 2017 20:04:59 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Washington, D.C., where a police officer was enjoying lunch at a local McDonalds when two women approached his table. They started up a conversation and one of the women began eating the french fries from his container. The officer warned her to cease and desist, telling her he had paid for that food and she could be arrested for theft. It was then that our bozo sealed her fate by replying, “Well, then, you might as well take me to jail.” Busted! She’s been charged with French Fried Potato theft.
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Post by kryten on Feb 1, 2017 19:36:35 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid...
Bozo criminal for today from Daytona Beach Florida violated Bozo Rule Number 993029: When in need of transportation, Uber is a better choice than the nearest police cruiser. Bozo Eric Rogers didn’t get the memo as he jumped into a parked Daytona Beach police car and sped away, with the red and blue lights flashing. Not surprisingly, he didn’t get very far before being apprehended. Upon being confronted by the cops, he first apologized and then asked the Bozo Question of the Week, “This is, uh, a felony?” Yep. He’s been charged with grand theft auto with damage more than $1000, fleeing, attempting to elude and violation of parole on drug charges. Busted!
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Post by kryten on Feb 8, 2017 18:58:04 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Pete Carran for sending in today’s report from Juneau, Alaska. Store employees at the local Sportsman’s Warehouse were on alert after a recent rash of shoplifting. They noticed bozo William Jackson acting suspiciously and when he grabbed something without paying they stopped him. Our story could end there except for one thing. His shoes. A really nice $139 dollar pair. The same pair that had been reported shoplifted only a couple of weeks ago. Yep our bozo proudly wore his stolen shoes as he returned to the scene of the crime. Only this time there was a different result. He’s busted!
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