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Post by kryten on Sept 26, 2016 14:01:07 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Petersburg, Florida, where the owners of a pet shop had been the victims of a number of thefts of high end snakes and lizards but hadn’t been able to catch the thief. So, they set up some surveillance cameras and were shocked by what they saw. Bozo Thomas Wallace walked into the shop, picked up a baby python and…shoved it into his pants. Must have been some really baggy pants. Employees were waiting for him as he headed for the exit and held him until the cops arrived. He was caught red, uh, pantsed!
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Post by kryten on Sept 27, 2016 17:04:15 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... There could be a couple of potential bozos involved in our story today from Lancaster, California. We’ll leave it up to you to make the call on who the real bozo is. Cellphone video footage from the Valero gas station in Lancaster shows a woman, apparently an employee of the station, taking a baseball bat to a truck that is parked next to one of the station’s gas pumps. She is heard saying, “I told you to move!” The owner of the truck says he had filled up with gas and then lost track of time while making calls on his phone. He admits that he may have been sitting in front of the pump for more than an hour. The cops were called and the woman was arrested on charges of vandalism. No word on the fate of the truck.
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Post by kryten on Sept 29, 2016 13:56:00 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Carroll, Iowa, where the owner of a recycling business briefly thought his shop was haunted when he heard someone whisper “get out of here.” Turned out not to be a ghost, but a naked bozo in the chimney. The cops were called, along with the fire department, and our bozo was extricated. It was his excuse for being in the chimney that landed the 29-year-old in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told the cops he was “playing hide and seek with my cousin” and got stuck. He had no explanation for why he was naked. He’s under arrest.
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Post by kryten on Oct 3, 2016 15:09:59 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Avon, New York. Deputies attempted to pull over bozo John Parker on a traffic violation. Instead, our bozo led them on a chase down Interstate 390, then through several lawns before finally coming to a stop at the local fire hall. But he wasn’t giving up that easily. Our bozo sought refuge inside the hall, but found it to be packed with people who were attending a fund-raising ham raffle. An off-duty deputy who’s also a volunteer firefighter grabbed our bozo and held him until the officers arrived. He’s been charged with DUI and fleeing from police.
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Post by kryten on Oct 4, 2016 15:10:17 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... (Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Canberra, Australia where bozo Norman Parker went to a department store and found a sweater he liked. He took it into one of the changing rooms, removed the security tag, stuffed the sweater underneath his jacket and headed for the door. He didn’t make it outside, however, as the security alarm went off just as he reached the exit. How could this have happened? He removed the security tag. That he did, but instead of throwing it away, he stuffed it into his pants pocket. He’s been charged with theft.
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Post by kryten on Oct 5, 2016 18:14:19 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today from Spartanburg, South Carolina, needed some cash, so he headed to a nearby title loans office. Things were going well until he got to the line on the application for “reason for loan.” Thinking honesty was the best policy, he told the truth and filled out “to purchase meth” on the form. Bad idea. The clerk faxed a message to her manager, who was at another office, who called the cops. Our bozo was still waiting for the loan to be processed when the police arrived. The officers found our bozo to be in possession of a glass container with a white rock like substance inside. He told the cops it was cocaine, but he was not going to smoke it because he “did meth.” Not for a while. He’s under arrest.
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Post by kryten on Oct 6, 2016 15:21:03 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Wichita Falls, Texas, where Louis Martin headed down to the local bank drive-thru to make a deposit. He placed his items in the tube and sent them over to the teller. She opened the tube and found cash, checks, and a folded piece of paper. Not, the paper wasn’t a note to the teller. Instead inside the paper she found a blue plastic baggie filled with a crystal-like substance. A manager was called over and the cops were called. It seems our bozo had somehow sent .91 grams of methamphetamine along with his money for depositing. Sorry this is a bank, not a hiding place for your stash. He’s busted!
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Post by kryten on Oct 7, 2016 11:53:33 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today from Fairbanks, Alaska, forgot basic Bozo Rule Number 110874: In the Bozo World, if at first you succeed, don’t try again. Bozo Joshua Warren made his escape from a minimum security halfway house by riding away on a bicycle. But he just couldn’t leave well enough alone. He stole an SUV and returned to the place to pick up some of his friends. Didn’t work this time. The cops caught up with him at a nearby residence. He’s now been moved to a more secure facility.
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Post by kryten on Oct 8, 2016 13:29:31 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Russell Fox for sending in today’s report from Boston, Massachusetts. Bozo David Simpson was charged and convicted for stealing a laptop from Suffolk University Law School, where he had been a student. He was given a 90-day prison sentence, but the judge decided to go easy on him, placing him on probation for two years. Apparently that still wasn’t good enough, as our bozo has been charged with returning to the clerk’s office and demanding to see his verdict slip, which is public record. He then allegedly swapped the “guilty” verdict slip with one he had forged and checked the “not guilty” box. Not surprisingly, the cops caught the forgery and now our bozo faces 20 years in prison instead of the 90 days with probation. Oops.
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Post by kryten on Oct 9, 2016 16:35:57 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today might have been able to get away with this in Italy, but not in the good old USA. From Indianapolis, Indiana comes the story of bozo Alan Robertson who was riding his bicycle in the downtown area. He approached a woman, also on a bicycle and as he passed by he pinched her on the behind. Bad idea. The woman was a deputy probation officer. A police officer nearby saw what had happened and our bozo was quickly corralled and placed under arrest. __._,_.___
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Post by kryten on Oct 10, 2016 17:54:07 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from York County, South Carolina, where bozo James Clayton had some marijuana for sale. So he did what any bozo would do. He placed an ad on Craigslist. The ad got straight to the point, saying, “Pot…I SELL WEED-$200.” He also included his photo and phone number. This was simply too much for the cops to pass up. An officer texted the number and asked if it was real. Our bozo called back, asked what the agent wanted, and set up a location to meet. Bad, bad idea. He’s busted!
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Post by kryten on Oct 11, 2016 15:01:27 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes form Naples, Florida where bozo Duane Harrigan worked at a convenience store. He was caught by the store manager, scratching off a stack of not yet purchased lottery tickets. When confronted, our bozo calmly took his stack of tickets and left the store. The manager called the cops and as they were there writing up the incident, our bozo returned, to ask for his paycheck. He didn’t get it. He’s under arrest.
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Post by kryten on Oct 12, 2016 16:57:59 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Puchong, Malaysia, where three bozos tried to hold up a cell phone store. While one of them asked the manager to take a look at his broken phone, another one pulled a knife and demanded cash. The manager was having none of it and fled as soon as he saw the knife. Our bozos then grabbed up several cell phones and headed for the door. At that very moment, the manager returned with a baseball bat, conking one of our bozos on the head. They beat a hasty retreat to their getaway vehicle, a motorcycle, with the manager in hot pursuit. The driver only made it a short distance before losing control and crashing the bike. By this time, passers by had arrived and they held our bozos down until the police got there. And those cell phones they stole…they were fake display models.
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Post by kryten on Oct 13, 2016 14:44:27 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Conningham, Australia where bozo Nicholas Trent was a newlywed. And a very proud newlywed at that. Proud enough that he submitted a wedding announcement and picture to the local newspaper. Which would have been a fine idea except for one thing. Our bozo was already married to someone else. And that someone else happened to be reading the paper and noticed the picture. She called the cops and lover boy is now under arrest for bigamy.
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Post by kryten on Oct 14, 2016 14:32:48 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Minocqua, Wisconsin, where bozo John Sanders called 911 to report that his mobile home was on fire. Local firefighters and police raced to the scene and, after the fire had been extinguished, one of the firefighters noticed something strange. In spite of the fact that the fire had done significant damage to the home, an object on the dining room table had survived. And that item was…a bag of marijuana. Another bozo busted!
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