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Post by kryten on Sept 10, 2016 15:33:01 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid...
It’s never a good sign when your attorney tells the judge you committed a “crime of stupidity.” But that’s exactly what happened to bozo Sammy Burt of Easton, Pennsylvania. Apparently our bozo thought it would be a good idea to use a saw to cut a hole in the wall between his basement and the neighbor’s. He then crawled through and stole $200 worth of quarters. Guess he thought no one would ever suspect him of the crime. Unfortunately, he was wrong. Genius has been sentenced to three months in jail.
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Post by kryten on Sept 10, 2016 15:34:46 GMT
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Troy House for sending in today’s report from Springdale, Arkansas. Three bozos in the drive-thru at the local McDonalds asked for complimentary cups of water. After receiving their drinks, our bozos parked and walked inside. They then proceeded to pour out the water and refill the cups with soda. The manager was having none of it and demanded that they return the drinks. Two of them did, but bozo Cody Allen took his drink and sped away. Bad idea. The cops were called and our bozo was arrested at a nearby bowling alley, still in possession of the soda in question. Hope it was at least super-sized, as he’s been charged with felony robbery.
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Post by kryten on Sept 10, 2016 15:35:37 GMT
Bozo criminal for today comes from Kensington, New Hampshire, where the cops responded to a report of a motor vehicle accident in front of the police department headquarters. A car crossed the northbound lane, drove through a stone wall and a granite post before striking a utility pole and becoming entangled in the pole’s guide wires. Officers said the driver, bozo Joshua Taylor suffered minor injuries and appeared intoxicated. He didn’t help himself any with his choice of T-shirt which said, “This guy needs a beer.” Apparently he’d already had several. He’s been charged with DUI.
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Post by kryten on Sept 11, 2016 17:48:47 GMT
Bozo criminal for today comes from Tallahassee, Florida, where the game wardens were on the lookout for illegal alligator poachers. They pulled over our bozo in a Wildlife Management Area to check the vehicle’s day-use pass and noticed a rather strong smell coming from inside the truck. Upon further investigation, they found the source of the aroma. A severed alligator foot sticking out of a compartment in the dashboard. They also found other alligator parts scattered throughout the cab of the truck. After initially trying to say the parts were from a gator he had taken several years ago, he confessed to the poaching and was charged with illegal hunting.
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Post by kryten on Sept 12, 2016 16:48:43 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Toulouse, France, where the cops were surprised when our bozo walked into the station house. They were even more surprised when she placed three plastic baggies containing a white powder on the counter and asked them if they could check and see if her cocaine was pure. She said she was only asking to find out if it was “good quality so people do not die of an overdose.” Good intentions or no, she’s busted!
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Post by kryten on Sept 13, 2016 17:45:03 GMT
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Troy House for sending in today’s report from Mount Healthy, Ohio, where bozo Destiny Wilkins ran up a $20.30 bill at the Gold Star Chili restaurant. Only problem, she didn’t have the 20 bucks to pay the bill. So, she did what any bozo would do. She dialed 911 to report a robber with a gun inside the restaurant. Fourteen officers from three law enforcement agencies responded and found the restaurant empty except for the employees and our bozo. After determining that no robbery had occurred, the cops determined that Ms. Wilkins had been in the restaurant for three hours and had no money to pay the bill. A quick check of her cell phone showed the 911 call. Oops. She’s been charged with disrupting public service, making false alarms and theft.
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Post by kryten on Sept 14, 2016 9:15:56 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Blackman, Township, Michigan, where security guards at the local Walmart noticed bozo Angela Hoffman acting strangely. She checked out with a shopping cart full of items, and then stopped in the foyer, past theft-detecting sensors. She then left the cart behind to go back in and grab a few more items. Without paying, of course. When the loss prevention staff confronted her, she said she had nothing to hide, and proceeded to pull her top up and her pants down. In addition, she bit the staff member on his arm. Bad idea. Cops were called and she was charged with indecent exposure, destruction of property, assault and unarmed robbery.
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Post by kryten on Sept 15, 2016 9:51:46 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... To paraphrase Humphrey Bogart, all the joints in the world and he picks this one. From Galveston, Texas comes the story of bozo Tom Tucker who was spotted by police officers strolling down the hall of the police station with a Taser gun, a police baton and an officer’s cellphone, all of which he had taken from the station house training office. When confronted, he surrendered without incident and was charged with burglary.
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Post by kryten on Sept 16, 2016 14:32:18 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminals for today from the International File in Algeciras, Spain, violated Bozo Rule Number 333876: If you are smuggling contraband, it’s not a good idea to mark your shipment. Spanish National Police at the Port of Algeciras were checking in a shipment when they noticed one of the offloaded pallets had a large red “X” on it. This was enough to make them suspicious, so they brought the pallet over for further inspection. It contained 19 boxes, each holding 88 green plastic bananas. And inside the bananas…376 pounds of cocaine. Busted!
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Post by kryten on Sept 17, 2016 14:37:29 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Rohnert Park, California, where bozo Robert Hart walked into a car wash and dropped an empty potato chip bag on the counter. He then told the attendant to fill the bag with cash, warning that he had a gun. When the clerk indicated he didn’t see a gun, our bozo gestured toward the potato chip bag, indicating that the gun was in the bag. Unfortunately, the bag was turned toward the clerk and he could easily see that all that was in the bag was a gun shaped piece of cardboard. Oops. Our bozo fled empty-handed. Cops are looking for a criminal with the scent of sour cream and onion on his breath.
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Post by kryten on Sept 18, 2016 16:15:29 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Orlando, Florida, where the police responded to a theft of a Bagel King delivery truck from a gas station at 2:18 a.m. An officer spotted the truck a short time later, but our bozo refused to pull over. Several other cruisers joined in the chase which continued through three counties before the cops were able to block the truck’s path. Our bozo was taken into custody and charged with grand theft auto. No bagels were harmed in the incident.
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Post by kryten on Sept 19, 2016 14:55:14 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Alliance, Ohio, where bozo Charles Logan was arrested for dealing crystal meth. That alone would not merit his inclusion in the Bozo Report. It was his customers that made his story a little different. After arresting our bozo, the cops also found themselves in possession of his cell phone, which, to say the least, was a very popular number. After fielding call after call from prospective buyers, the cops finally had to take to social media. They posted a photo of the phone along with a message: “We have his phone and are trying to read all your texts and are going through his contacts, but you keep calling…” They then added, “First of all, he’s out of drugs for tonight. Secondly, you don’t need to call-we will come see you soon enough.” Yikes! Case closed.
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Post by kryten on Sept 21, 2016 17:38:14 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Cheektowaga, New York, where it was just an ordinary day at the local Restaurant Depot store until Renee Fletcher showed up. Bozo Renee picked up a jar of mayonnaise and headed for the checkout, where she presented a $100 bill in payment. The cashier thought the bill felt a little funny and upon closer examination she noticed the words “for motion picture use only” printed boldly across the front of the bill. Yep, our bozo was trying to use “prop” money from a movie set to buy a jar of mayonnaise. Local officials and the Secret Service were called and our bozo was placed under arrest.
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Post by kryten on Sept 22, 2016 14:36:48 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Ogden Dunes, Indiana where bozo John McInturff had just been released from jail and was in the mood to celebrate. As he and his family were riding home on a commuter train, our bozo found himself ready for a beer. And not wanting to wait until he could get to a liquor store, he decided to simply swipe one from a fellow passenger. Maybe he should have asked politely first as the other gentleman did not take kindly to having his beer stolen and soon an argument erupted, which resulted in the cops being called. Our bozo will have to put off his celebration for awhile. He’s back behind bars.
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Post by kryten on Sept 23, 2016 18:59:46 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Spring Hill, Florida, where bozo Anthony Carson smashed the window of the local Family Dollar store with a cinder block. Neighbors heard the sound of breaking glass and the cops were called. Our bozo fled to a apartment complex where the cops found two spent fire extinguishers and a large amount of white powdery substance sprayed around the area. Nearby, the cops found our bozo, who told the cops he had sprayed himself with the fire extinguishers in an attempt to hide from the officers. Didn’t work. He’s busted.
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