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Post by kryten on Nov 9, 2016 19:06:49 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Troy House for sending in today’s report from Hempstead, New York. Our bozo’s plan started off smoothly. He armed himself with a shotgun and entered the local Bank of America branch. He then demanded cash from a female employee and that’s when things started to go south. The woman refused to allow him to enter the teller area and, seeing that this wasn’t working out as planned, our bozo ran out the door and jumped into his car. He didn’t get very far before he was involved in a traffic accident, crashing into another vehicle. But not just any car. He ran into a police patrol car. Oops. Officers caught up with him quickly when he tried to flee and he was placed under arrest.
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Post by kryten on Nov 10, 2016 19:50:44 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Braintree, Massachusetts. Bozo Perry Blair walked into a local bank and presented a check for cashing. The teller thought the check looked suspicious and was checking it out when our bozo received a text message on his cell phone. Not sure what the message was, maybe his Mama calling him home to dinner, but our bozo dropped everything and headed for the door. Unfortunately, one of the things he left behind, along with the phony check, was his ID. The cops quickly caught up with him and found an identical fake check in his vehicle’s center console. He’s busted!
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Post by kryten on Nov 11, 2016 18:21:41 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Knoxville, Tennessee, where bozo Rachel Anderson had a hankering for a barbecue brisket. So she did what any bozo would do, she bought the meat and fired up the smoker. Only she didn’t have a smoker. So she built a fire in her bathtub and placed a rack over the rim of the tub for the brisket. Bad idea for many reasons. First, it was one of those fiberglass tubs, which quickly melted. The fire department was called and both tub and brisket were declared a total loss.
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Post by kryten on Nov 12, 2016 14:48:27 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Aloha, Oregon where bozo Lorna Dugan’s neighbors called the cops to complain about the noise coming from her house. A deputy arrived and our bozo agreed to keep it down. It was after he left that her problems really started. Thinking the officer was just about the cutest guy she had seen in a while, our bozo called 911 to ask if the dispatcher could send the "cutie pie" deputy back again. When asked why she needed his assistance, our bozo told the operator she wanted him to return so she could give him her phone number, in hopes of a future date. Not a good idea. The 911 number is for emergencies, not for making a dream date. She’s been charged with 911 misuse, which carries a maximum sentence of one year in jail.
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Post by kryten on Nov 14, 2016 19:01:18 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Guelph, Ontario, Canada, where cops patrolling on a dark street noticed what they thought was a bicyclist approaching. It wasn’t long before they figured out it was going way too fast to be a bicycle. Instead, it turned out to be a bozo, driving his car with no working exterior lights. But he wasn’t completely in the dark. He was wearing an LED headlamp on his forehead to light his way, shining the light through the front windshield. And to make matters worse, he was speeding, doing 67 MPH in a 40 MPH zone. He was arrested and the car was towed.
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Post by kryten on Nov 16, 2016 19:11:33 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminals for today come from Joplin, Missouri, where the cops received a report of a couple taking a ride on a lawn mower. Not that unusual, but it was their lack of clothing that attracted attention. When they were pulled over, our naked bozos offered up the excuse that they had been skinny dipping and someone had stolen their clothes. OK, but…it seems the lawnmower wasn’t theirs. Yep they went for a naked ride on a stolen lawnmower. They’ve been charged with theft.
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Post by kryten on Nov 20, 2016 19:13:34 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Monroe, Washington, comes the story of bozos Allen Payne and Kyle Baxter who broke into a department store and stole a bunch of pillows and several backpacks. And like many of us, our bozos couldn’t wait until they got home to try out the merchandise. Police followed a trail of cardboard and pillows to a secluded area near the store, where they found our bozos sound asleep on their stolen pillows. They’ve been awakened and arrested.
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Post by kryten on Nov 22, 2016 18:15:48 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Our list of Bozo Pokemon Go players on parade continues today with this story from East Greenwich Township, New Jersey. The local Fire and Rescue crew received a call asking for help getting someone down from a tree. Yes, that is “someone”, not “something” as in the usual trapped cat. When they arrived, they found a woman, smartphone in hand, stuck in the tree. Her bozo excuse…she was chasing a rogue Pokemon and climbed up the tree in an effort to catch it, only to find herself unable to get down. The rescue team retrieved her. No word on the fate of the Pokemon.
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Post by kryten on Nov 24, 2016 19:06:15 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Prerov, Czech Republic. It seems our unidentified bozo ran up a rather large bar bill and found himself unable to pay. So, he did what any bozo would do, he stripped off all his clothes, left them for collateral and walked out in search of cash. Surveillance cameras showed him walking through downtown, clad only in ankle-length black socks, talking on his cell phone. Needless to say, this attracted the attention of the cops, who were more understanding than you might expect. After he explained he was on the way to another pub to get some cash, they allowed him to complete his quest. Apparently, he got the money and he returned to pay his bill and retrieve his clothes. Police say the case is still open and he may be charged at a later time.
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Post by kryten on Nov 25, 2016 18:44:18 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Maplewood, Missouri, where bozo Emmanuel Potter walked into the Sole Survivor Leather Store and demanded cash, pointing a gun at the owner. The owner took one look at the multicolored plastic water pistol that our bozo was pointing at him and told him no dice. He pushed the gun away and called the cops. Our bozo was apprehended a short time later. He tried the old Bozo Excuse of “it was only a joke” but was arrested anyway.
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Post by kryten on Nov 26, 2016 14:44:03 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report, which proves the old adage: Wise is the bozo who knows enough to keep his mouth shut. From Long Island, New York, comes the story of bozo William Finney who was pulled over by the cops when they clocked him doing 113 MPH in his $80,000 Maserati. After discussing the charges with the officer, our bozo said he’d like to point out that the officer was wrong. He was not going 113 MPH. In reality, according to the Maserati’s speedometer, he was doing 135 MPH. And, by the way, he also told the officer that he had been drinking. Two big mistakes. He’s busted!
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Post by kryten on Nov 30, 2016 19:08:38 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Kensunnuma, Japan, where bozo Kazuhiro Keyama walked into a building carrying a large kitchen knife and threatened the woman at the reception counter, demanding money. Things quickly went downhill from there. Police officers appeared out of nowhere and quickly placed him under arrest. You see, there was one small flaw in his robbery plan. The building he walked into was a police station. Oops.
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Post by kryten on Dec 6, 2016 18:39:51 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Jacksonville, Florida where bozo Alonzo Moore, wearing a ski mask and brandishing a pistol held up a grocery store, taking a couple of employees hostage and demanding that the store manager open the safe. The manager said that he didn’t have the combination to the safe, so the bozo settled instead for taking everyone’s wallet. Bozo then decided that his getaway would be easier if he tied everyone up. So, he laid his gun down on the floor and went about the task of wrapping everyone’s hands and feet with black tape. While the bozo was busy fooling with the tape, the store manager picked up the gun and held it on the bozo while the other employees called police. A violation of Bozo Rule #456: never put down the gun.
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Post by kryten on Dec 7, 2016 18:28:25 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Lake Orion, Michigan, where the cops observed bozo Michael Baxter leave a local restaurant on his motorcycle at around 2:15 am. After our bozo performed a “loud and aggressive brake torque” an officer flipped on his lights and pulled him over. As soon as he exited his vehicle, our bozo peeled out at a high rate of speed. He was long gone before the cops could get back into his car and give pursuit. End of story, right? Wrong. Our bozo just couldn’t resist bragging about the incident on his Facebook page, saying that he was doing 140 in a 35 MPH zone and using the hashtags #nojailthisweekend and #everyonelovedit. Well, not everyone. The cops were able to use the post to track him down and he’s now facing a five-year felony charge of fleeing an officer and one charge of reckless driving. Hashtag hegotwhathedeserved.
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Post by kryten on Dec 10, 2016 15:23:47 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 11292889: Don’t take your ID to a burglary. From South Brunswick, New Jersey comes the story of bozo Jarred Parker who seemed to be having quite a bit of success as a thief. Using a van “borrowed” from the day care center where he worked, our bozo is accused of pulling off 48 burglaries, getting away with numerous laptops, cash and other items, mostly stolen from parked cars. Things came to an end when the cops spotted him in the parking lot of an apartment complex and gave chase. Somehow, while fleeing, he dropped his wallet. Oops. Using the ID inside our bozo was tracked down and placed under arrest.
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