Many years ago, a baker's assistant called Richard the Pourer, whose job it was to pour the dough mixture in the making of sausage rolls, noted that he was running low on one of the necessary spices. He sent his apprentice to the store to buy more. Unfortunately, upon arriving at the shop the young man realized that he had forgotten the name of the ingredient. All he could do was to tell the shopkeeper that it was for Richard the Pourer, for batter for wurst.
This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a homeless man. I asked him how he ended up this way. He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had a roof over my head, a cook, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had T V, internet, I went to the gym, the pool, the library and even school if I wanted.” I asked him, "What happened? Was it Drugs … alcohol … divorce?” "Oh no, nothing like that," he said. “No … no ... I got out of prison."
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then make a billion dollars, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel around Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson...
"And how about you, Sarah? What do you want to be?"
Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens. 'Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
'For Fecks Sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"
"Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.
"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.
"Just great" says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."
"That's great," said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."
"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"
"Well, just one problem," said the golfer, "every time I get an erection, I also get a headache."
A guy walks a woman to the door after their first date. He asks her if she had a good time. She tells him yes but that to get her really horny, she likes her men to be Rough, Tough &Selfish.
The next week, the guy picks her up for their evening out dressed in a bikers black leathers. He grabs her, throws her on the back of his newly rented Harley, and away they go to the nearest bikers bar.
The whole evening is spent drinking and brawling with the bikers. When they get back to her house, he drags her up to the bedroom.
He asks her "Well, was I rough?"
"Yes" she purrs and rubs herself suggestively.
"And was I Tough?" he asks.
"Oh yes," she moans.
"Well then, it's time to be selfish".
So saying, he whips it out and gives himself a handjob.
LMP: Anyone any idea how many continental hours there are in one Canadian hour?
Dec 14, 2017 10:56:26 GMT
bamber: Certainly isn't 1:1.
Dec 14, 2017 15:18:57 GMT
squirt: I'll tap him on the shoulder today: his email said the import is going to take a long time, cuz of all the threads, posts and users, said it could take a few days
Dec 14, 2017 16:41:44 GMT
bamber: He's signed on to the Roo right now.
Dec 14, 2017 17:00:15 GMT
squirt: hopefully that means that we can soon! lol ♥
Dec 14, 2017 17:11:36 GMT
squirt: it's back up, and ya'll prepare yourselves, it's DIFFERENT! lol
Dec 15, 2017 3:15:06 GMT
roadkill: i cant seem to get on the roo..says oops there is a problem page can not be found..i was there on my other laptop
Dec 20, 2017 20:55:16 GMT
sexylady007: Last night I was able to post for about 10 minutes then this pop back up
Your account is currently awaiting confirmation. Confirmation was sent to Lailaisfree@sbcglobal.net. Resend confirmation email
Now I can't post again I tried to reset it but it's
Jan 3, 2018 14:35:40 GMT
sexylady007: Bamber would you please move where is the music from the video section to the music section thank you sorry I put it in the wrong section. Still can't do anything at the Roo
Jan 3, 2018 16:23:09 GMT
manzy: I let Bamber and squirt know about your message sis
Jan 3, 2018 17:03:44 GMT
bamber: OK Laila I've moved that thread.
Jan 3, 2018 17:17:52 GMT
bamber: You should be OK again on the Roo Laila; I'll PM you too.
Jan 3, 2018 17:20:32 GMT
sexylady007: Thank you Bamber & manzy
Jan 3, 2018 17:21:09 GMT