A farmer had a horse and the horse had a problem with crying. The farmer couldn`t get the horse to stop crying. One day the farmer decides to place an ad in the local paper. The ad read " Wanted - someone with a way with animals. Will pay $100.00 for anyone that can make my horse stop crying.
The very first day that the ad ran the farmer recieved a response. A young man showed up to the farmers house. The young man took the horse behind the barn, a few minutes later the horse and the young man return and the horse is laughing hysterically. The farmer pays the young man and he, the young man ad the horse go on about their business, the horse laughing all the while.
A few weeks go by and horse is still laughing hysterically the farmer decides that he would rather put up with the horse crying. He places
another ad this time the price is $200.00 for anyone that could that get the horse to stop laughing. The same young man responds. Again, he and the horse go behind the barn and moments later return. The horse is crying worse than the first time. The farmer is delighted
that horse is no longer laughing and pays the young man. As the young man starts to leave, the farmer asks him "What is your secret? You made my horse stop crying and start laughing. Then, you made him stop laughing and start crying. How did you do that?" The young man replied, "It was easy. The first time, I took him behind the barn and told him I had one bigger than his. The second time I showed him"
A golfer was standing in the fairway, about 140 yards out, when a frog whispered from the rough, "Use an 8-iron." The golfer, deep in concentration pulled out his 8-iron and hit the shot. It rolled right into the cup for an eagle.
"Now take me to Vegas," said the frog.
"What?" said the startled golfer, suddenly realizing it was a talking frog.
"You heard me," repeated the frog, "take me to Vegas. I'm obviously a lucky frog, and we'll make a bundle!"
So the golfer picked up the frog and they flew to Vegas.
In the casino, the frog whispered, "Go to the dice table and bet everything on the pass line."
The shooter rolled a seven, and the man with the frog won $100,000.
Then the guy took the frog upstairs to his room and the frog said, "Kiss me."
When he did, it turned into the most beautiful girl you've ever seen -- deep brown eyes, blond hair, beautiful smile and 16 years old.
"And I swear, Your Honor, that's how she got in my room."
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!
This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich. He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"
She said, "I love it but I have to stop eating it."
"Why?" he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said, "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see," he said.
"Okay," and she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches. I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"
She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said, "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the gizzards!"
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"
The Pope, Billy Graham and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean. Tragically, they all died and went to the Pearly Gates together. "Oh, this is terrible," exclaimed St. Peter. "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but we weren't expecting you, and your quarters just aren't ready. We can't take you in just yet and we can't send you back."
Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone. "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix a place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. I'll owe you one." Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.
Two days later, St. Peter's phone rang. "Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey, you gotta come get these three clowns. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning!"
A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled in auto mechanic school.
He performed well in the course but was still shocked when he got an off-the-chart 200 on his final exam. He asked the instructor to explain the grade. "I gave you 50 points for taking the engine apart correctly," the teacher said, "50 points for putting it back together correctly -- and an extra 100 points for doing it all through the muffler."
A man and his wife were in a fancy restaurant. While ordering, they noticed that the waiter had a spoon in his shirt pocket, and after looking around, they observed the other waiters and busboys each had a similar spoon. So the husband says, "what's with the spoon?" The waiter said,"well, we had this company come in and evaluate our time management and they found that people drop their spoon 74.8% more often than any other utensil. So if we carry one with us, we can reduce the trips back to the kitchen by 3 hours per shift. The husband was impressed. Sure enough, he dropped his spoon during dinner and the waiter replaced it with his, stating, "I'll just get another when I go to the kitchen for something else". While ordering dessert, the husband noted that the waiter had a very thin string hanging from the fly of his pants, as did the other waiters, so the husband asks, "hey, there's a string on your pants!" The waiter tells him, "Not all my customers are as observant as you... the same company found that we can reduce the amount of time spent in the bathroom by 2 hours each shift if we tie a string around the end of you-know-what, and when we have to go we just unzip and pull it out with the string completely eliminating the need to wash up and saving time." The husband was impressed, but asked, "it's a good idea... but how do you get it back in your pants?". The waiter leaned close and whispered, "Well I don't know about the rest of them, but personally I use the spoon."
Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a modern day Scrooge.
One day, during the winter, the lake froze over. The peddler realized he could cut two miles off his trip if he crossed over the lake. He was spotted halfway across the frozen water by the tycoon, who came out of his mansion screaming. "Get off my lake!" he yelled. "I'll be damned if I let anyone pull the wool over my ice!"
The difference between mayonnaise and semen is mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.
A blonde I know who has had a successful career as a dancer, She doesn't dance very well on her left leg and she didn't dance any better on her right leg. But between the two of them she makes a very good living.
I hate sex in movies. Tried it once, the seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well it really chilled the mood.
"At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this?" "The truth is," replied the politician, "That she has a big mouth."
Masturbation is not illegal, but if it were, people would probably take the law into their own hands
A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked. Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?" "Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously. Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you quit advertising it."
LMP: Anyone any idea how many continental hours there are in one Canadian hour?
Dec 14, 2017 10:56:26 GMT
bamber: Certainly isn't 1:1.
Dec 14, 2017 15:18:57 GMT
squirt: I'll tap him on the shoulder today: his email said the import is going to take a long time, cuz of all the threads, posts and users, said it could take a few days
Dec 14, 2017 16:41:44 GMT
bamber: He's signed on to the Roo right now.
Dec 14, 2017 17:00:15 GMT
squirt: hopefully that means that we can soon! lol ♥
Dec 14, 2017 17:11:36 GMT
squirt: it's back up, and ya'll prepare yourselves, it's DIFFERENT! lol
Dec 15, 2017 3:15:06 GMT
roadkill: i cant seem to get on the roo..says oops there is a problem page can not be found..i was there on my other laptop
Dec 20, 2017 20:55:16 GMT
sexylady007: Last night I was able to post for about 10 minutes then this pop back up
Your account is currently awaiting confirmation. Confirmation was sent to Lailaisfree@sbcglobal.net. Resend confirmation email
Now I can't post again I tried to reset it but it's
Jan 3, 2018 14:35:40 GMT
sexylady007: Bamber would you please move where is the music from the video section to the music section thank you sorry I put it in the wrong section. Still can't do anything at the Roo
Jan 3, 2018 16:23:09 GMT
manzy: I let Bamber and squirt know about your message sis
Jan 3, 2018 17:03:44 GMT
bamber: OK Laila I've moved that thread.
Jan 3, 2018 17:17:52 GMT
bamber: You should be OK again on the Roo Laila; I'll PM you too.
Jan 3, 2018 17:20:32 GMT
sexylady007: Thank you Bamber & manzy
Jan 3, 2018 17:21:09 GMT