|
Post by kryten on Feb 18, 2017 15:59:48 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid...
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Aggieland, Bryan, Texas. It seems our 19 year-old bozo really wanted to send her boyfriend a nude selfie on her Snapchat. And as you know, sometimes such things just can’t wait. So she posed for the sexy shot and…wham! She crashed into the back of a patrol car. Yep, she was driving AND Snapchating. Fortunately, she wasn’t injured. Unfortunately, she’s been charged with DUI.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on Feb 19, 2017 15:26:03 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Eugene, Oregon where police vice squad officers had raided an apartment and were questioning the tenant when our bozo stopped by. He walked up to one of the officers who was wearing a badge and asked him if he could hook him up with some drugs. The officer told him he couldn’t help him. Not wanting to take no for an answer, our bozo asked the same question of another officer who wasn’t quite so obliging. He checked our bozo out, found him to be in possession of marijuana and placed him under arrest.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on Feb 24, 2017 19:48:13 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Carpinteria, California, where bozo Christian Hansen went fishing, but not for what you might expect. The police there had set up a drug drop box to allow residents to safely dispose of unused drugs and medications. As you might expect, this proved to be entirely too tempting for a bozo to resist. So he rigged up some cord with a fishing hook and dropped it into the box. It was proving to be a sweet fishin’ hole as our bozo had reeled in several packages of drugs and syringes before someone spotted him. He’s been charged with possession of stolen property, petty theft, possession of burglary tools, prowling, possession of controlled substances…and fishing without a license.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on Feb 26, 2017 18:46:54 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid...
Bozo criminal for today comes from Casper, Wyoming, where bozo David Shafer’s search for love led him to answer an online ad. He arranged to meet a hooker for sex, but it was his method of payment that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He worked out a deal to pay for his romantic encounter with a Quarter Pounder with cheese and a medium order of fries. What he didn’t know was that he was dealing with an undercover police officer and not a real hooker. He was arrested when he showed up for his tryst, McDonalds bag in hand.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on Mar 10, 2017 20:23:16 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid...
Bozo criminal for today comes from Las Vegas, Nevada, where neighborhood residents had been complaining about packages being stolen from their doorways. After the police had failed to catch the thief, one of the homeowners took matters into his own hands. He’s the proud owner of a 95-pound German Shepherd who is a very healthy eater and also a very prolific pooper. He collected a nice large supply of his dog Heidi’s poop and wrapped it up neatly in a package which he placed on his front doorstep. Sure enough, it worked. Security cameras showed two men in a green car pull up and snatch the package. Unfortunately we don’t have footage of them opening the poopy package. Police hope to use the video in in their investigation.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on Mar 14, 2017 20:23:49 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from the International File in Sydney, Australia. The cops were looking for teenage bozo Amy Wilson, 18, who had escaped from a correction center. So, they distributed a mugshot of her to the news outlets and one of the TV stations posted it on their Facebook page. Teenage Amy was horrified by the fashion faux pas that was her mugshot and she wasted no time in replying to the station’s post and asking them to please replace that horrible picture with a better looking one. Good idea for fashionistas. Bad idea if you’re a bozo on the run. The cops were able to track down the location the photo was posted from and our bozo is now back in custody.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on Mar 20, 2017 19:25:28 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Troy House for sending in today’s report from Westerly, Rhode Island, where the cops were called to a report of a disturbance at a residence. Even cops who thought they had seen everything were surprised at what they found upon arrival at the scene. They knocked upon the door of bozo Jeffrey Martin, who reportedly had been having an argument with his neighbor. Our bozo answered the door shirtless with corn kernels stuck to his chest. Further investigation found that the neighbors had been feuding for a while before our bozo took it to the next level. He was using a gun fabricated out of PVC pipe that uses a light accelerant such as hair spray that can be ignited. Such guns called “potato guns” because that is what is usually fired out of them. Guess he didn’t have any spuds around, as our bozo was firing round after round of corn cobs at his neighbor’s house. He’s been charged with disorderly conduct and firing in a compact area.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on Apr 5, 2017 18:35:07 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminals for today come from the International File. From Manchester, England comes the story of bozo Roland Tweed and five of his bozo cohorts who held up a department store. One of our bozo’s duties was to be the official photographer of the crime. He snapped pictures of the group before, during and after the break-in. The gang got away clean and might still be free today if not for that film, which our bozo dropped off for developing at the one hour photo shop in the very department store they had robbed. The person developing the film realized what the pictures were and called the cops.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on Apr 6, 2017 19:07:20 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid...
Bozo criminals for today come from Halifax, Nova Scotia, where comedian Ian Black was out walking with a friend when he was accosted by a couple of bozos. But this was not to be an ordinary robbery. After punching Black, our bozos demanded that he remove his pants and hand them over. When he refused, our bozos fled empty handed. The police were called and were in the process of interviewing the victim when one of our bozos returned to the scene of the crime. Apparently he had dropped his cell phone in the tussle and was hoping to retrieve it. Bad idea. He’s under arrest, charged with assault and attempted trouser theft.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on Apr 17, 2017 17:44:03 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid...
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Harrodsburg, Kentucky. Our bozo had what seemed to be a good plan for robbing vehicles. First, he donned a mask to conceal his identity. Then, he broke into the offices of CC Auto Parts & Service and pried open a lock box containing the keys to vehicles on the company’s lot. He then went about opening up the cars and stealing anything of value left in them. As we have seen many times before, being a bozo is exhausting work. And, after breaking into a few cars, our bozo decided to take a little break. That’s where the cops responding to a report of a burglary found him, sound asleep in the driver’s seat of a vehicle.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on May 25, 2017 16:29:04 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Troy House for sending in today’s report from Edmond, Oklahoma. Police are investigating a series of burglaries in which residences and cars have been broken into and numerous items stolen. In looking into the case, the cops discovered two valuable clues. First, one of the residences had a security camera which provided a good picture of the thieves. And second, our bozos had a very definite pattern of activity, which they were able to trace from receipts from stolen credit cards. After each and every theft, our bozos headed straight to Walmart to make some big purchases. And, then, immediately after, they went to Whataburger to celebrate with cheeseburgers, fries and a soda. Cops expect to make an arrest soon.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on May 28, 2017 16:17:33 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid...
Bozo criminal for today comes from Milwaukee, Wisconsin where 19 year old bozo Thomas Hood entered an 88 year old man’s home and demanded cash. After telling our bozo he had no money, the old man faked a heart attack, at which point his glasses fell to the floor. He asked our bozo if he would please pick his glasses up for him. When he bent down to get them, the old man gave him a swift kick in the pants. He then ran to the door, shouting for help. The neighbors heard him, called the cops and our bozo was arrested.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on May 30, 2017 14:18:07 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid... Bozo criminal for today comes from Eugene, Oregon, where the cops thought they had seen everything, then they met the prostitute who was paid with money stolen from the Girl Scouts and tipped with a stolen monkey. The story unfolds something like this. It seems bozo Allen McIntyre stole the Girl Scouts money, the monkey, some additional cash and a laptop from his wife’s pet store, the Zany Zoo Pet Shop. He then found himself a prostitute at a nearby hotel and, if he had only used the Girl Scouts cash to pay, things would probably have gone OK. It was when he left her behind with the monkey as a tip that she decided to call the cops. He’s been charged with soliciting. The prostitute was not charged, and the monkey is going to be just fine.
|
|
|
Post by kryten on May 31, 2017 18:05:46 GMT
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have been changed to protect the stupid...
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Mauleon-Licharre, France where police arrived on the scene of a break-in to find something they had never seen before. Apparently our bozo thief had taken a hammer to a large glass shop window. After some work, he had managed to punch a hole in the safety glass large enough for him to crawl through. Or that’s what he thought, anyway. He got halfway through the opening when he got stuck. He couldn’t go further in and couldn’t back out. The cops even got a picture of him to post on their Facebook page. Firefighters were called and our bozo was freed and arrested.
|
|